


We Work So Hard To Hide How Ugly We Are

by Random_Nerd3



Series: JatP Whumptober 2020 [10]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex & Carrie Wilson Friendship, Alex Braid's Carrie's Hair, Alex Is A Good Brother, Alex needs a hug, Angst, Carrie Finds Out About The Ghosts, Carrie Wilson Needs A Hug, Carrie Wilson Redemption, Carrie Wilson-centric, Child Neglect, Crying, Day 11, Frustration, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maybe - Freeform, One-Shot, Psych 101, Sort Of, Struggling, Trevor Wilson Sucks At Being A Dad, Whumptober 2020, so they hug each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26950807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Nerd3/pseuds/Random_Nerd3
Summary: When Carrie finally shatters she's on her bedroom floor surrounded by hundreds of discarded half-finished songs. Fortunately for her though, she isn't as alone as she thinks.orWhumptober is happening and this is my way to clap back at the Carrie hate on TickTock because Carrie is a queen who deserves better.
Relationships: Alex & Carrie Wilson
Series: JatP Whumptober 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949821
Comments: 6
Kudos: 254





	We Work So Hard To Hide How Ugly We Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> This is almost 3k words of pure Carrie and Alex whump and fluff so I hope you enjoy it! The title is from the song Don't Know Where To Go from the musical Lizard Boy. 10/10 a must listen if you haven't already.
> 
> I guess TickTock is hating on Carrie lately so this is my clap back against that.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~R

Carrie didn’t understand it. She didn’t understand the  _ logic _ behind it. Not the hologram aspect of Julie’s band, because she honestly couldn’t care less about how the boys appeared on stage… Carrie couldn’t wrap her head around how Julie and her Hologram band suddenly rose to the top of the popularity chain. She was happy for Julie, of course she was. They used to be friends after all… but while Julie didn’t sing a single  _ note _ all year despite being enrolled in one of the most prestigious music programs in the county Carrie worked her ass off. She started Dirty Candy from scratch sophomore year, enlisting her father’s help of course. Why waste the thousands of dollars he had just lying around? So she started Dirty Candy as a way to prove to herself she didn’t need  _ Julie Molina _ in order to have talent… and maybe because at first she had fun performing on stage with the multi-colored wigs and Katy Perry inspired choreography. 

Once they started gaining a fanbase her dad took over the group, forcing her to spend five hours a day practicing and writing new songs. She was overworked, stressed out and just straight up  _ exhausted. _ Julie and the Phantom’s Orpheum performance didn’t help matters much either. While Carrie was proud of her friend (ex-friend?) for being able to pull off such an amazing performance something changed in her dad. When they sat through Julie’s set, it was like something in her dad just  _ snapped _ . Instead of being supportive of Julie, it was like he was jealous of her. He started to push for more Dirty Candy performances, booking them anywhere he possibly could. He scheduled more back-to-back practices, and now Carrie had to write a brand new song every three days just for her dad to tear her work apart and throw a garbage techno track over it. It completely ruined the message behind her lyrics, but she had to do what her dad said. It’s not like he ever gave her a choice to begin with.

This is why she found herself up past three in the morning on a school day, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper with god-awful lyrics on her bedroom floor. “Write a new song Carrie,” Carrie said mocking her dad. She aggressively scratched out her most recent lines, tearing a hole in her paper. “It’s easy! Julie and her guitarist can do it for every performance, why can’t you!” She yelled in frustration, reaching up to grab at her hair. Out of the corner of her eye Carrie saw the blankets on her bed shift like someone sat down on it. _ That’s it, _ Carrie thought as she ripped out yet another page from her notebook.  _ No more pulling all nighters, no matter what dad says. _ She stood up with a yawn, if she hit the hay now she’d be able to at least catch a few hours of sleep. Carrie turned around to face her vanity mirror and cringed. She looked awful, bloodshot eyes with deep bags hanging underneath them. She was on the verge of a breakdown, and when that happened it wasn’t going to be pretty. In the corner of the mirror a few of her discarded lyric pages flattened out on the floor. Carrie whipped her head around and saw a few other papers flatten out against the floor by themselves. Fingers appeared over the pages, tapping out drum beats to her sloppily written lyrics.

A voice started to read out her discarded lyrics. “You’ll want me to keep climbing even if I feel like I’m falling down, would anybody hear me, would I make a sound…” Carrie let out a gasp as the outline of the drummer from Julie’s band started to flicker into view. A pink sweatshirt that definitely wasn’t Carrie’s was discarded on the ground next to him. He was knelt over the pages, eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to piece together how the song was supposed to go. “Disappointed smiles though you leave me alone…” The drummer flickered into a more solid form and Carrie swallowed the scream to the back of her throat.

“Who are you?” Carrie asked. She cringed, her throat was scratchy from hours of both screaming at herself and attempting to sing something original. He startled and fell backwards looking like he got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Carrie took a tentative step closer to him, like he wasn’t actually there. The drummer stuttered but Carrie caught his name,  _ Alex _ .

“I’m sorry,” Alex muttered as he scampered to throw her lyric pages back into an unorganized pile. “Julie’s always talking about boundaries but you seemed really upset today and Bobby dosen’t seem like he’s a good dad because he saw you were crying but didn’t ask if you were okay and so I just wanted to check on you because -” Carrie held up her hand to cut him off. Luckily it worked and he stopped talking.

“Hold on,” she said with a light chuckle. Carrie settled on the ground next to him, sensing his sudden anxiousness. Alex flickered a little bit, but retained his visible form.  _ Ha! I was right, they aren’t holograms! _ Carrie thought as she mentally punched a fist in the air. Alex’s breathing quickened and Carrie instantly recognised the signs of an oncoming anxiety attack. To her horror Alex doubled over insisting he couldn’t breath.“Alex, can you hear me?” Carrie asked, eyes scanning him for any sort of physical injuries. When she was satisfied with her impromptu check up she sat in front of Alex with her legs criss-crossed over each other. Alex didn’t seem to notice her, his eyes were unfocused and darting around her room. “I need you to breathe, can you do that?” Carrie said, keeping her voice level despite the amount of insane theories running through her mind. She managed to get him to breathe slower, not by much though. Carrie continued with her slow, heavy, breaths as she started to hum a song she wrote years ago, before she had her fight with Julie. She reached forward to put a hand on his shoulder, but she fell  _ through _ it. Cold air rushed through her as she hit her floor with a grunt. Alex let out a forced chuckle,

“Sorry, it’s a ghost hazzard.” He said, before falling into a fit of coughs.  _ At least he’s talking _ , Carrie thought,  _ keep him talking. _ She repositioned herself so she was sitting directly in front of Alex, ignoring the crumpled lyric drafts underneath her. Carrie softened her eyes, trying to show him she didn’t mean to cause him harm. Carrie watched as Alex’s own eyes became more present, focused. He hesitantly reached an arm out, and his hand  _ touched _ Carrie’s shoulder. Alex let out a choked sob and pulled Carrie in for a hug. She was shocked at first, then returned the gesture, soaking in the warmth of his sweatshirt and the cent of three dollar cologne.

“You’re from Julie’s band right? The drummer?” Carrie asked, figuring keeping him talking would be the best bet. As usual her intuition was right, and Alex’s eyes lit up with a little sparkle. Carrie didn’t just know Alex from Julie and the Phantoms though… last week she went digging in the basement for something and found an old demo cd with the band name  _ Sunset Curve _ on it. 

“Yeah, Julie’s great. I love drumming, and I love the band but…” Alex trailed off and he seemed distant. Shaking his head he said, “never mind. You’ll just think it’s dumb, Julie and the guys do so it probably is.” Carrie frowned, wondering if Julie even knew that her ghost drummer was visiting her. She wondered if Julie was aware her drummer was having a mid-life crisis.

“But what Alex?” Carrie asked, concern laced in her voice. Something was bothering him, and she knew from personal experience things got better after talking about them. Usually now was when she’d start plotting some sort of petty scheme against Julie, but Alex was kind. He was nice to her, and it’s been a while since anyone other than Kayla or Nick had an actual conversation with her. A sort-of awkward few minutes of silence passed, then Alex heaved a sigh and sagged onto her floor.

“It’s just… sometimes I feel trapped,” Alex said, guilt all over his face. Carrie frowned, and suddenly felt the urge to comfort him. “Like I’m stuck behind my drums while the others get to dance and interact with the audience on stage,” he said with a dreamy look in his eyes. “I really like to dance and perform,” Carrie took note of the word  _ dance _ instead of movement, but didn’t say anything. During recent Dirty Candy rehearsals she has been feeling a bite of cold air to the room… maybe Alex had something to do with that. Remembering the song she was singing she dug around the plethora of discarded song pages around them before finding the right notebook buried under her bed. She flopped her stomach onto the floor and wedged her arm under her bed until she was able to grab it.

“Hang on Alex, I think I found it,” she said, pulling out her special songbook. The one her mom gave her, stuffed with piano music and lyrics Dirty Candy would never use. Carrie crossed her legs as she sat in front of Alex. He looked at her slightly confused, but she flicked through the notebook until she found the song she was looking for. She didn’t want to sing the lyrics, she couldn’t. The song was written for her mother, but the melody was really what she was after. Alex focused on her humming, drumming his fingers along to the song.

“That was… really good.” Alex said, sounding slightly surprised. Not that she could blame him, the song she just hummed wasn’t anything like Dirty Candy’s newer numbers. It was slow and lyrical-y, nothing like the trash her dad’s producer called ‘new age music’. Alex hesitated then said, “Usually Dirty Candy sounds a bit more…” he trailed off and Carrie scoffed,

“Techno?” Alex nodded, a sheepish smile across his face. “It’s alright,” Carrie said, “my dad’s just pushing for us to perform more often… something about showing up people from his teenage years, I don’t really know to be honest.” Another look of guilt crossed Alex’s face, was a little bit more confused.

“Thanks,” Alex as he stood up. “You should probably get to bed though,” he said, pointing at her clock. Carrie looked at the time and cringed, it was already four-thirty, she’d only get three hours of sleep at this point unless she missed the first few classes during school. Shaking her head she said,

“Sleep’s not happening tonight.” Alex gave her a soft smile and dramatically pulled back her covers for her. Carrie rolled her eyes, yeah, he definitely had a little sister once. He poofed onto her bed, patting the spot in front of him.

“Come on,” Alex goaded in an annoying sing-songy voice. “I’ll even sing to you!” His eyes sparkled like he was remembering something happy. It wasn’t exactly an expression Carrie was used to seeing on the drummer’s face when he performed. Carrie sighed, eventually giving in and crossed her floor to settle into the spot in front of him. Alex shoved the pile of notebooks unceremoniously onto her floor. She didn’t bother trying to get him to organize them, that was a problem for Future Carrie. If she was being completely honest with herself she  _ was _ exhausted, Dirty Candy rehearsals set on a 24/7 rehearsal schedule was a horrible idea.

“Alright then ghost-boy,” Carrie said as he started to wind her hair around his fingers. “Show me what you got.” Alex grinned and his voice floated through her room, wrapping around her. His voice was warm and welcoming, smooth but not jazzy, though he could definitely pull off jazz if he wanted too. Carrie felt the tension in her shoulders relax as Alex continued the song, finishing off with a low hum. His fingers twisted expertly through her hair and the repetitive motion had all but healed her headache. “You’re good at this...” Carrie said, voice dripping with exhaustion. “Why did you help me?” She asked, a wave of tiredness crashing through her. She sighed as he continued to play with her hair. Upon further expression she was surprised to find out he was  _ braiding _ it. Alex let out a soft chuckle,

“Before I died I had a sister, Still have one somewhere if she didn’t die in the past twenty-five years. She’d always have trouble sleeping so I’d sing to her and I learned how to braid because it always seemed to calm her down,” Alex said wistfully. Carrie didn’t pry, his family was his business, it wasn’t for her to go digging into unless he asked. When she found the Sunset Curve cd all she did was look up the names on the back of the case. She didn’t want to intrude on their lives anymore than she already had. The two of them fell into a comfortable silence and Carrie end up curling under her blankets. Alex pulled her quilts over her and brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face that escaped from the braid.

“You know, If you wanna learn how to dance I can teach you,” Carrie said, surprising herself. There was something about Alex that drew them closer together. Nothing romantic, something more… brotherly, familial. Maybe Carrie reminded him of his little sister. Alex poofed across her bedroom to grab a hair band and poofed back behind her before the braid fell out. He secured her braid and started to play with it in his hands.

“I’d love that… I just don’t think Julie would let me.” Alex said, looking like a hurt puppy-dog. It was obvious dancing was something he wanted to do. Carrie had only known Alex for all of an hour, but could easily see that in him. The way he moved, the way his hands softly braided her hair… he would make an amazing dancer, Carrie just knew it in her soul. She couldn’t wrap her head around Julie not being supportive of Alex’s need to dance. Yeah, they were all in the same band together, and she didn’t know the whole story there yet, but the boys should be allowed to have their own lives outside of the Molina’s. Carrie told Alex just as much,

“Screw that. If you want to dance you should be able to dance. Come to the next Dirty Candy rehearsal. We’re practicing a new number so we’re learning everything from scratch.” Carrie said as her eyelids started to grow heavier. Alex didn’t respond to her invitation, instead just twisting the braid around between his fingers. He started to hum a new song, something that wasn’t on Sunset Curve’s demo or performed by Julie and the Phantoms. It sounded more personal, about loving yourself for who you are, and not changing you for anyone. Carrie snuggled into her pillows as she let Alex’s voice wash over her, lulling her into a dreamless night.

When she woke up she almost thought it was all a dream, but then Carrie looked at her desk chair and saw Alex’s pink hoodie hanging off the back of it. She glanced at the clock and saw she already slept through the first period of the day. Alex must have turned off her alarm before he left. A small smile curved at the corners of her lips as she crossed her room and pulled on Alex’s hoodie. The hoodie was warm and really soft. If she closed her eyes she’d swear the drummer was actually there with her. Maybe it wasn’t exactly her usual fashion, but she knew an olive branch when she saw one. Alex wanted to see her again, and she wanted to see him again. Sometimes it might feel like her world was imploding on itself, but she would never have to face it alone anymore.


End file.
